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Enjoy this virtual experience of coughing loudly at a classical concert and annoying everyone in the audience. The more frequently you hit the "cough" button, the more the audience will shuffle around in their seats and whisper "shhhh" at you. — Read the rest
If you want to swim or shower in style, you might consider this bathing cap that is made to look like hair. You'll surely be able to fool everyone into thinking that your not wearing a rubber bathing cap (as long as they don't notice the strap underneath your chin). — Read the rest
Henceforth, insurrectionist idiot Jake Angeli shall be known as QAnon Sherman!
(Thanks, Bob Pescovitz!)
front page thumbnail image: lev radin/Shutterstock
Don't you hate when you're about to hit the slopes, and suddenly, a big green space alien takes control of your board and holds you hostage in the air as you speed down the mountain, flailing around? — Read the rest
Here's a series of photos where people have found clever ways to interact with statues around the world. The funniest photo is this series has got to be photo #2, where a person is about to get spanked by a giant man. — Read the rest
This instagram page archives amazing awkward family photos for your entertainment. The page features everything from baking mishaps to vintage hair situations, to strange costumes galore. This particular post made my laugh extra hard. The caption reads "My daughter fixed her cousin's Barbie after the head popped off and would not reattach." — Read the rest
Here's a pack of satirical valentines day carbs from Obvious Plant that made me chuckle. The pack is called "Please Do Not Break Up With Me", and features desperate messages such as "Please do not break up with me. Here's a list of my strengths:". — Read the rest
Color Tv was introduced to Australia in 1975 in with this fun skit featuring television character Aunty Jack . Skip to 2:15 in the video to see color slowly enter the black and white world that the characters live in. The color "leaks" into the windows, frightening the people in the room. — Read the rest
As a literary agent, I’m often asked what I look for in a manuscript. Here’s what I tell writers:
I want your book to turn water into full-bodied Merlot.
I want your book to make me hear colors and taste sounds.
I want your book to resurrect the muse of literature, give her a tasteful makeover, then slap her in the face.
Send me a manuscript that feels as powerful as witnessing the birth of my first son.
Think outside the box! Think 50 Shades of Gray but a children’s board book. Think Cujo but written by Jesus Christ.
I’m interested in reading the next big YA novel about a rag-tag crew of misfits on an impossible quest–but set in a dimension where there is no thought or memory. And the sun is a blazing light of unrelenting horror that dissolves the human mind. And the dimension is ruled by a plum-shaped, balding man who reminds me of my father. And at the end of their journey, the crew realizes that the real treasure is the merciful jaws of death.
I want a manuscript that burns bright and hot, cutting down my heating bill by 32 percent.
I crave the sort of get-rich-quick book that shows a guy how to make a quick $2,000 by selling old baseball cards.
I’m burning for a manuscript that will wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me that it loves me.
No chick lit (girl stuff) or bit lit (tech-bro thrillers) or knit lit (textile-themed cozy mysteries).
I’m a sucker for pet detective paranormal erotica. But nothing that’s going to make me blush on the subway.
On the hunt for a manuscript that erases my dark spots and age lines. Bonus if it stops my parents from getting divorced in 1978.
I represent hard Sci-Fi, which means stoic men and aliens and technology in deep space. Not soft Sci-Fi, which is written by mothers. Space is hard and cold, and no one can hear you scream. Women sound ugly when they scream, and spacemen need a break.
Seeking graphic novels without talking animals. Also no talking humans. Ideally: no talking.
Actively seeking diverse voices to tell fresh and compelling stories about white men.
I represent the type of author who will go back in time, kill baby Hitler, garrote baby Hemmingway, then re-write A Farewell to Arms as an upmarket rom-com.
Your book should open my third eye. Ideally, it would also open my first eye, which is swollen shut after that Soft Sci-Fi writer punched me. Now I can’t see, so I’ve been judging manuscripts by mouthfeel. Please send me 1,000 tender, silky pages with an astringent tang.
Send me a horror thriller that will give me nightmares–but not that nightmare with the piano recital, the pizza dough, and the feral pigs.
Send me a book that limns the boundary between poignant beauty and piercing pain, that strokes the gentle loam of the human soul, and that can be made into a 13-movie franchise.
I need a book that gives me the high of MDMA without the risk of faintness, dehydration, or a nosy mall cop telling me to put my shirt back on in the food court.
Please send me a literal bag of gold.
Surprise me! Maybe I don’t know what I’m looking for!
Probably not your book.
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Rumpus original art by Natalie Peeples
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To read other Funny Women pieces and interviews, see the archives.
Comedy Central presented us with a skit where an office has litter boxes instead of toilets for employees. The litter boxes are out in the open, for everyone in the office to see. There's a reasonable explanation for it, too. — Read the rest
The Joseph's Machines page shows us the cool way to compress trash. Simply place your waste bin underneath a fake leg that hangs from a gigantic pile of furniture, houseplants, and other random items. — Read the rest
As a group of cows try to stomp and intimidate a goose, the stoic bird stands its ground. Despite being much smaller than its bullies, this bird cannot be intimidated. I have to say, I'm far more afraid of geese than I am of cows. — Read the rest
Watch out folks, A pickle with a mind of it's own has been created in a top secret laboratory. The pickle looks quite rambunctious, and could be on the loose by now. Next time you get a burger, take a peek under the bun just to make sure you don't see any lively pickle slices. — Read the rest
This cat enjoys using her special nose-rest. This glass wall was clearly built for the kitty, so that she'd have a place to rest her face while her snout could still be free. — Read the rest
National treasure Jennifer Coolidge joined TikTok and, unsurprisingly, her first video is brilliant. In it, she recites a poignant poem and the author makes a cameo!
@jennifercoolidge Trying out TikTok! 💋👀 @jlo
♬ Jenny from the Block (Bronx Remix – Edit) – Jennifer Lopez
There's a long history of interviewers becoming almost as famous as the celebrity they chat with. Even though it looks simple enough, there's an art to being a quality interviewer. Knowing when to interject and when to allow your subject to expatiate on an idea is a delicate balance that only a few can pull off correctly. — Read the rest
Following last week's death of Elvis's daughter Lisa Marie Presley, this classic video of Elvis with the music removed and sound effects added has once again been making the rounds. Mario Wienerroither's entire series of "Musicless Musicvideos" is pure genius. — Read the rest
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